While you were looking for loose change in your couch cushions, the Fifty Shades author was busy raking in a cool $1 Million.

Perhaps you should become a justice-seeking vigilante in your spare time to gain a similar amount of fame.

Just don't give up on the book business too soon. Even the tastemakers over at Pitchfork are dipping their toes in.

You'll be in good kompany, konsidering the youngest Kardashian sisters are also taking up the pen.

While you're at it, make sure to throw the English readers a bone -- apparently they're the worst served in the Western world.

Maybe these upcoming European books will shed some light on the situation.

Though the short story business could use more support, considering that their awards are dropping like flies.

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If you're too lasy for even Wikipedia or Spark Notes, here's a big ol' list of spoilers to save you some time.

But before you start spouting off those endings, maybe you should check out the copyright laws behind the books first.

Or maybe you're better off keeping quiet, staying holed up in your luxurious Cobble Hill brownstone.

Maybe keep your thoughts in your Moleskine, and raise its value that way.

Just make sure your grammar is up to par, lest you be mistaken for a poorly worded email spammer.

And who knows? Your work could end up winning you the Kyoto Prize, and you won't know what to do with all that prize money.

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