The biggest thing RZA and I have in common: we’re not gangstas, thugs, or prophets. We’re “humble warriors.” We don’t let shit get us down. You think RZA would be bummed out by a case of quill mites or Wobbly Hedgehog Syndrome? Hell no. The Tao of Wu is pretty much a manifesto for those who are simply above all of it. Most people don’t realize that a lot of hedgehogs are Wu-Tang fans. Why wouldn’t we be? Choose any one of the songs, I dare you. “Protect Ya Neck”? Obviously about the lack of neck control hedgehogs have when it comes to finding a comfortable drinking position. “C.R.E.A.M.”? More like C(ages) R(ule) E(verything) A(round) M(e). Don’t even get me started with “Incarcerated Scarfaces.” Being a domesticated hedgehog is rough. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

Anyway, the book consolidates all the Wu-Tang wisdom into parables from RZA’s life. I’m not a spiritual ‘hog by any means, but it’s hard not to take his advice seriously. I’ve always loathed self-help books on principle, but I’ll listen to life lessons from RZA any day. (After all, he “smoked Cuban cigars with Leonardo DiCaprio right after Titanic came out.”) You should, too. And if you don’t, in the immortal words of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “I’ll fuck your ass up.”

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