Grass skirts: dry clean only?
Everyone is looking for an escape over Spring Break, but not all of
us want the jager bomb-drenched Girls Gone Wild experience this year. For those who want to add some literary cred to their vacations, here are
some alternative destinations worth checking out. Fair warning: some of these locations may not be reached with Frequent Flier Miles.
Ignore the historically inaccurate SUV in the background.
CivilWarLand (from CivilWarLand in Bad Decline by George Saunders)
★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
Overview: Disneyland and Six Flags have nothing on
Civil War Land. Ghosts, guns, and history in an eerie and run-down
field — what more could you ask for? Note: a bit morbid, which is
great, if you're into that sort of thing, but a bit traumatizing if
you're not. Also, the park has a bit of a "gang" problem, but it's nothing a few rifle warnings won't take care of.
Amenities: People in historical costume, "history buffs," carnival food, ghosts.
Recommended for: Your uncle with mutton chop sideburns.
"I'd turn back if I were you!" Seems legit.
Emerald City (from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum)
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
Overview: A
sparkling green city where everyone is always laughing? Sign us up. Seemingly no
work is ever actually done here and everything is tip top shape. In short, it's an
energizing and thrilling environment to spend a break in. The only downside
is the random visits from wicked witches, flying monkeys, and heavy-handed moral lessons.
Amenities: Fields of poppies, the horse of changing colors, intense beauty parlor, and only a short distance from Munchkin Land.
Recommended For: The overworked tinman in your life.
"I like it when you call me big papa." - Ernest Hemingway
Hemingway's House
★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
Overview: An
obvious spring break location seeing as it's located on Key West. Hemingway spent years calling this
quaint place home for him, his family, and a ready supply of mojitos. While a bit on the mellow
side for a
spring break getaway, it does promise plenty of sun and quiet reading. Also, plenty of six-toed cats!
Amenities:
Vintage furniture, in ground pool, fresh fish caught and served
daily, ample amounts of reading material.
Recommended For: Joint-subscribers to Guns & Ammo and The Paris Review.
You'll want to Slytherin into the nearest bar.
Hogsmeade (from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling)
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
Overview: Admittedly,
it might be a bit chilly and cloudy, seeing as it is in Scotland, but
the magic — and the firewhiskey — is sure to warm you right up. If you're here for some family cheer, head over to the Three Broomsticks, but if you're more into dives, then the Hog's Head is probably more your scene. Just don't make any ill-timed goat jokes to the bartender.
Amenities: Conveniently located near school, the best butterbeer you'll ever find, house elves.
Recommended For: Wannabe wizards, a.k.a squibs and muggles.
Disappear here.
Los Angeles, circa 1980 (from Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis)
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Overview: The
dirty and sketch side of the city of angels. Prepare to meet some really trippy and
amazing people, but also a lot of aggressive and scary ones. When you
leave you'll be left with bright, blurry, and
hazy memories. Great destination if you want to find yourself passed
out on the beach or hanging onto a street corner lamp post for dear
life.
Amenities: Bad public transportation, traffic, smog, drugs, drugs, and more drugs.
Recommended For: Your younger brother who locks himself in his room all day, listening to Elvis Costello.
Required soundtrack: Enya.
Walden Pond (from Walden by Henry David Thoreau)
★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Amenities: Woods, a pond, wooden cabin, self-actualization.
Recommended For: People who spend $150 on yoga pants.
Let's get Fitzfaced.
West Egg (from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald)
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
Overview: For those who don't feel like traveling too far, then Long Island's West Egg might be just what you're looking for. The days are warm and lazy, but nights are full of raging, lavish parties. The crowd tends to be young and fun, without any of the old-money snobs from East Egg wrinkling their noses at everything.
Amenities: Lots of open spaces, pools, Jay Gatsby's sordid past.
Recommended For: The gal who owns fringe everything.
Image credits, from top to bottom: Flickr user 1950sUnlimited, Flickr user Brandi Jordan, Flickr user basykes, Flickr user grahamc99, Flickr user kla4067, Flickr user jhetzel, Flickr user rich701. All images used with a Creative Commons license.
written by Rebecca Hoffman
A Black Balloon Publication ©