By Sarah Bennett

Real store, imagined contents.

One of the fun/depressing quirks about businesses in greater Los Angeles is how amazingly uncreative their names can be. There's the California Supermarket on Beverly, California Chicken Café on Beverly, and the Crazy Girls strip club in Hollywood, which, come to think of it, is not only literal, but redundant. That's why I'm so confused by this store right on West 3rd Street, not far from the Grove/Farmer's Market/mall-and-parking hellscape and about where the old Built By Wendy store used to be (R.I.P.). The store, pictured here, is called Vintageweave, and while it's not shocking that it actually sells antiques, the first time I saw the sign, I truly expected it to sell old hair. 

Yes, the idea of having a boutique that sells old weave is both ridiculous and disgusting (although it is fun to imagine it being marketed like fine wine, i.e., "ah, yes, that's a 2002 Wendy Williams with lovely upper-notes of Coconut oil and human blood"). In a city where stores are usually named for exactly what they sell, however, it seems stranger to me that Vintageweave sells old furniture than if it sold clumps of horsetail once worn by Destiny's Child. Either way, I don't get the name Vintageweave for anything but a jam band, and imaging what they'd sound like is the grossest thing of all.