By Sarah Bennett

Once your clothes go white, you do not look right.

This is a fashion trend I do not understand. Allow my sartorial Andy Rooney a moment to vent.

Al Sharpton has had many embarrassing moments, but this has gotta be in the top two.

White is good for men’s button down shirts, old tyme nurse uniforms, and those insane dresses babies have to wear when they’re Catholic, but I can’t honestly think of another garment that should be made in that not-color.

This poor woman is lactating coffee.

White clothes are really just future tan or grey clothes. They’re the best way to let the world know exactly what color hair your cat or dog has, or if your bra has a ribbon detail on it, or just how bad your aim is when you try to put condiments on food, or food in your mouth.

White pants only exist so that you can sit in something and become a hilarious anecdote that, once upon a time, would’ve filled the pages of YM, but will now just haunt the remaining days of your life.

You might think wedding dresses are an obvious exception, but if the reason you’re wearing a specific dress for marriage is the same reason you’d wear it to be sacrificed to an ancient god in a volcano, then you might want to rethink your choice.

This = White jeans + one trip to the dog run, or one ride on the G train, or one stroll down Canal Street in August.


The pain of white pants doesn't discriminate by gender.

Good ol' Rihanna, putting the "B" in "Subtle" (and "Boobs"). 

This is why we put napkins in our laps when we eat, especially when the first course is tomato and oil salad.

Pure. Class.

The scarlet stain.

Not-white wedding dresses are for loudmouthed poors.