By Kate Gavino

A bit of advice: always return borrowed books, unless you want to be threatened to a sword duel.

Then again, that kind of incident would make for a good Stephen King sequel, if you replace the sword with a killer dog.

When you're writing the manuscript, just make sure Auto-Correct doesn't replace "dog" with "blog."

But a killer blog? That would make for quite a difficult book, and those kind of things are highly praised these days.

You may even get a blurb from Gary Shteyngart if it's quirky enough.

Who knows? It could be adapted into a movie, and next thing you know, you're beating out Vertigo for greatest film of all time.

So knock back a glass of whiskey and start writing. Or reading. Either one goes hand-in-hand with the right booze.