Do you know what the cartography of your brain looks like?
Either way, you'll have to make room in it for the huge chunk of Kafka's archive that is soon going public.
But if that's too long for you, you'll appreciate the rise of 140-character Twitter novels.
Perhaps someone could write one about the world's most popular blogger — who you probably don't know about.
Just make sure you have plenty of caffeine on hand to do so, which might be tough if you're in New York.
But if real war does break out from the soda ban, perhaps you could use some DIY tips on how to survive.
And if all of those end up failing, you could always dance your way out of any dangerous situation.
Let's just hope you don't end up like this washed-up eyeball, though it did get a nice little vacation.