With everyone’s favorite sobfest, Les Misérables, finally coming to DVD this week, it is time to decide who we are. Specifically, whose ship are you sailing on? The ever popular Les Mis section of Fanfiction.net runs the gamut from sweet to delusional to creepy, but you have to applaud the authors' creativity and randomness when it comes to pairing characters off. Who would have thought Javert & Valjean's awkward fictional fumblings would go on to have such a fervid following?
To help you decide which couple is your OTP, here’s your March Madness bracket. Who comes out on top? Well, let’s do some research…
Eponine & Marius // Eponine & Enjolras: The impetus for many a Les Mis fanfic, poor Eponine & Marius is the reason it was invented in the first place. Thus, they automatically beat out the reaching-for-straws couple that is Eponine & Enjolras.
Valjean & Javert // Valjean & Fantine: The mental image of Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman hugging it out will probably appeal to many demographics, so they immediately demolish Jackman with a scrawny Hathaway.
Winner: Valjean & Javert. The 3 hour musical would have had so much more crossover appeal if these two bears had oozed a little more sexual tension.
Cosette & Valjean // Cosette & Javert: Forever unclean! Valjean is practically her father. That is a no go. However, a roll in the hay with your father’s mortal enemy is always a good way to wear your daddy issues loud and proud.
Valjean & Thenardier // Valjean & Babet: The V & T pairing has potential, especially if you imagine Sacha Baron Cohen’s Thenardier doing a Borat impression, but ultimately, you can’t beat Helena Bonham Carter paired with Wolverine.
Winner: Valjean and Babet. She’d be the greatest evil stepmother to Cosette. Also, years of prison may have turned Valjean off men. For now.
Cosette & Enjolras // Cosette & Eponine: Though it’s tempting to hook up with your BF’s BFF to make him jealous, why not just forget men altogether? Cosette and Eponine could bond over their shared hatred of the overbearing patriarchy and bonesaw corsets.
Marius & Enjolras // Marius & Cosette: True, the revolutionary romance between Marius & Enjolras is definitely the steamier choice, but anyone who’s read Victor Hugo’s behemoth of a novel can’t help but root for underdogs Marius & Cosette. They are "babies holding hands!"
Of all the characters, Marius & Cosette got the only happy ending in the book, musical, and movie. Obviously, that's some potent hormones.
Fantine & Gavroche // Fantine & Nobody: Gross. Gavroche, what are you doing here? Come back when you’ve hit puberty.
Thenardier & Javert // Thenardier & Babet: Thenardier & Babet are cute as husband and wife, but there’s something about the Gladiator + Borat that gives slash fanfiction its raison d'etre.
Winner: Fantine & Nobody. Duh.