By Liz Galvao
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Have you ever read something so brilliant that you wished you’d written it? These literary mad libs are your chance to rewrite the classics, no monkeys or typewriters required. Print them out and bring them to your book club, or simply enjoy them in a room of your own. And don't be afraid to get dirty.


Jane Eyre

“And was Mr. Rochester now ___________ (adjective) in my eyes? No, reader: ________ (emotion), and many associations all _________ (adjective) and _________ (adjective), made his _______ (body part) the object I best liked to see; his presence in a room was more cheering than the brightest ________ (noun). Yet I had not forgotten his faults: indeed, I could not, for he brought them _________ (adverb) before me. He was _________ (adjective) _________ (adjective), _________ (adjective) to inferiority of every description: in my secret ________(noun) I knew that his great kindness to me was balanced by unjust severity to many others. He was _________ (adjective), too; unaccountably so: I more than once, when sent for to _______ (verb) to him, found him _______ (-ing verb) in his library alone, with his _______ (body part) bent on his folded _______ (body part); and, when he looked up, a _________ (adjective), almost a _________ (adjective) _________ (facial expression), blackened his ________(noun).”



__________ (name 1), light of my life, _______ (noun) of my loins. My _______ (noun), my soul. __________ (name 1): the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the __________ (body part). ______-_____-_____ (name 1, in 3 syllables).

She was ______ (first syllable of name 1), plain ______ (first syllable of name 1), in the morning, standing ________ (number) feet _______(number) in one sock. She was _________ (first two syllables of name 1) in ____________ (article of clothing). She was ___________ (name 2) at _____________ (location). She was __________ (name 3) on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always ___________ (name 1).

Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no _________ (name 1) at all had I not loved, one __________ (time of year), a certain initial girl-child. In a princedom by the ___________ (location). Oh when? About as many years before __________ (name 1) was born as my age was that ___________ (time of year - same). You can always count on a _____________ (noun) for a ___________ (adjective) prose style.


Story of O

She withdrew her __________ (body part, plural) and lay back against the back of the __________ (noun): her __________ (body part, plural) were heavy for so __________ (adjective) a torso, and, parting, rose gently toward her ____________ (body part, plural). The nape of her ___________ (body part) was resting against the back of the __________ (noun), and her hands were lying on either side of her ___________ (body part, plural). Why did Sir _________ (name 1) not bend over, bring his _________ (body part) close to hers, why did his hands not move toward the __________ (body part) which he had seen stiffen and which she, being absolutely ___________ (adjective), could feel _________ (verb) whenever she took a breath. But he had drawn near, had sat down across the arm of the _________ (noun), and was not touching her. He was ___________ (verb, -ing), and a movement of his __________ (body part) — ___________ (name 2) never knew whether or not it was voluntary — flicked some still-warm __________ (noun) down between her ____________ (body part). She had the feeling he wanted to ________ (verb) her, by his disdain, his _________ (noun), by a certain attitude of ____________ (emotion).


Infinite Jest

She had promised to get him _________ (fraction) of a kilogram of ___________ (drug 1), ______ (number) grams of unusually good ___________(drug 1), for $_________ (number) U.S. He had tried to stop smoking ___________ (drug 1) maybe ______ (number) or ______ (number) times before. Before this woman knew him.

She did not know he had tried to stop. He always lasted a week, or _______ (number) weeks, or maybe ______ (number) days, and then he’d think and decide to have some in his __________ (location) one more last time. One last final time he’d search out someone new, someone he hadn’t already told that he had to stop smoking ___________ (drug 1) and please under no circumstances should they procure him any ___________ (drug 1). It had to a third party, because he’d told every ___________ (noun) he knew to cut him off. And the third party had to be someone ___________ (adjective), because each time he got some he knew this time had to be the last time, and so told them, asked them, as a ________ (noun), never to get him any more, ever.


The Bible

In the beginning __________ (name 1) created the heaven and the earth.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of ____________ (name 1) moved upon the face of the __________(noun). And ____________ (name 1) said, Let there be __________ (noun A): and there was __________ (noun A). And ____________(name 1) saw the __________ (noun A), that it was good: and ____________ (name 1) divided the __________(noun A) from the darkness. And ____________ (name 1) said, Let there be a _________ (noun B) in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. And ____________ (name 1) made the _________ (noun B), and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.


American Psycho

In the early light of a____________ (month) dawn this is what the _____________ (type of room 1) in my apartment looks like: Over the ________ (color) marble and __________ (material) gas-log fireplace hangs an original ___________ (artist). It’s a six-foot-by-four-foot portrait of a _________ (adjective) woman, mostly done in muted __________s (color) and __________s (color), sitting on a ____________ (piece of furniture) watching __________ (television channel), the backdrop a __________ (adjective) landscape, a gleaming ___________ (color) desert scattered with dead, gutted ___________ (animal, plural), smashed __________ (noun, plural) rising like a sunburst above the woman’s __________ (adjective) head, and the whole thing is framed in black ___________(material). The painting overlooks a long white down-filled ___________ (piece of furniture) and a ______ (number)-inch digital TV set from __________ (brand); it’s a high-_________ (noun) highly defined model plus it has a four-corner video stand with a ___________ (adjective) tube combination from NEC with a picture-in-picture digital effects system (plus freeze-frame); the audio includes built-in __________ (abbreviation) and a ______ (number)-watt-per-channel on-board amp.


On The Road

The parties were __________ (adjective); there were at least _____ (number) people at a basement apartment in the West __________ (neighborhood). People overflowed into the cellar compartments near the _________ (noun). Something was going on in every corner, on every _________ (piece of furniture) and _________ (piece of furniture) — not an orgy but just a _____________ (holiday) party with frantic __________ (verb, -ing) and __________ (adjective) radio music. There was even a/an __________ (adjective) girl. Dean ran like ____________ (movie star) from group to group, ________ (verb, -ing) everybody. __________ (adverb) we rushed out to the car to pick up more people. __________ (name 1) came. __________ (name 1) is the hero of my __________ (city) gang, as Dean is the chief hero of the Western. They immediately took a dislike to each other. __________’s (name 1) girl suddenly ________ (verb, -ed) __________ (name 1) on the _________ (body part) with a roundhouse right. He stood reeling. She carried him home.