Regretsy, the book, by website founder April Winchell
It was a sad day in early 2013 when Regretsy shut down. The website, dedicated to highlighting Etsy’s most ridiculous offerings, never failed to bring entertainment and bewilderment to the objects that people — real, breathing, functioning people — are willing to create and purchase.
Though Regretsy now resides in Internet Heaven (along with the first-ever White House website), there are still plenty of strange items on Etsy, buried deep beneath pages of mason jar candles and twee vintage dresses.
So in honor of Regretsy’s tragic passing and the release of Clementine the Hedgehog’s annotated version of the classic Victorian novel Sister Carrie, we’ve compiled a list of the 10 most questionable items on Etsy that are dedicated to the Victorian era. Enjoy, and try to resist the urge to purchase them all.
1. Clip-on Belly Button Ring with Cameo Pendant, $12
Some people may think that you have to choose between wearing a crop-top and showing off your Victorian era pride, but they are dead wrong.
2. Charlotte Bronte Historical Fantasy Art Doll, $638.66
Say it with me now: “Nailed it!”
3. Black Cat Ladies in Regency Dresses Whispering Gossip, $14
It’s weird because black cats in regency dresses whispering gossip is actually a recurring nightmare of mine.
4. Farthing the Regency Goblin Doll, $180
I don’t know, man. She’s pretty cute for a goblin.
5. 1820 Regency Jane Austen Era Walking Dress, $1,123.49
Sure, it costs more than rent, but imagine all the walks you can wear it on!
6. Jane Austen Pillow Pal, $35
Long winter nights just got a lot less lonely.
7. Jane Pawsten Nightlight, $20
If thinking “Jane Pawsten” is a clever pun automatically makes me a suburban mom, then sign me up for the P.T.A. and hand me the keys to a mini-van.
8. Mid-18th Century to Early 19th Century Caps for the Working Poor Pattern, $14.95
The working poor look is going to be really big this winter, so start sewing now.
9. Man Regency Irish Linen Shirt Handstitched, $210
At first, you might think, Two-hundred bucks? For a linen shirt?! But just read the selling point: “Turn the man of your life into a romantic hero.” Um, yes, please!
10. Jane AustANT Shirt, $27
The actual title of this shirt is “Girls teeshirt writer Jane Austen — Give your little writer a Tee with an edge! Purchase sensibly with Pride and without Prejudice! Write On!”
Somebody really ought to do a study on the correlation between people who love Jane Austen and people who love puns.
Seen any other ridiculous literary offerings on Etsy during your Cyber Monday shopping? Help us keep the spirit of Regretsy alive by telling us know about your finds in the comments below.
Michelle King grew up in South Florida and now lives in Brooklyn. Her contributions have appeared on BULLETT, Refinery29, xoJane and The Huffington Post. Harriet M. Welsch is still her role model and probably always will be.
This coverage of Victorian debacles is brought to you by Clementine Classics: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser, the first installment in the Clementine Classics e-book series from Black Balloon Publishing.
Sometimes reading the classics is a chore, but not so with the snarky annotations by Clementine the Hedgehog. Having made her debut as a weekly book reviewer of note on Tumblr in 2012, Clem now takes on Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser. On each page, she inserts her keen insights, dark sense of humor and cut-the-crap commentary.
Clementine Classics is a new series from Black Balloon Publishing that gives classic works of literature the contemporary annotations they deserve. Obsessed, possessed and thoroughly distressed by the originals, today's writers riff, rant, praise and flay these old books, giving them new life. The series' beautifully designed e-books are both an act of sincere literary criticism and a new, composite form of humor writing.
A Black Balloon Publication ©