Are you familiar with any of the 12 new saints that have recently been canonized?

Their bloody martyrdoms definitely encompass many of the strange, obscure ways to die.

Perhaps death by body odor will soon be added to the list as well.

Just make sure you're not at the library at the time that's going on.

Though such an experience would make for good poetry, possibly even a mathematical one.

You could even contextualize in on a human subway map if you're feeling artistic.

Why not expand it to include Mexico City, where you'll always be able to find a good drinking hole?

You might be able to find a couple of good Halloween costume ideas while you're down there.

But if that fails, just find a snazzy suit and go as the always classy Alex Trebek.

And speaking of class, you might want to steer clear of any superfluous acronyms for the time being.

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If brevity is truly the soul of wit, then your Twitter feed is the Algonquin round table of today's digital Dorothy Parkers and Ogden Nashes. Here's a selection of our favorite tweets from the week; nominate yours by submitting to @blackballoonpub with #twitwit.

A weekly series that explores a featured theme by pairing classic quotations with urgent images. What recent news items inspired these textual/visual sets? Leave your guesses in the comments, and check back next Wednesday for the answers.

“I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along."

—Annie Dillard

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

—Mark Twain

"Want of money and the distress of a thief can never be alleged as the cause of his thieving, for many honest people endure greater hardships with fortitude. We must therefore seek the cause elsewhere than in want of money, for that is the miser's passion, not the thief's."

—William Blake

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

“We speak of the masculine and the feminine, but they are the wrong labels.”

—Anais Nin

See the connections? Write your guesses in the comments — and feel free to leave your own "pants" quotes — and check in next Wednesday to find the headlines that inspired these pairings.

Images: Newser, Emotistyle, Perez Hilton, Slate, Hollywood Reporter

Answers to last week's installment:

• "Alessandra Ambrosio reveals Victoria’s Secret $2.5M Fantasy Bra Gift set" (New York Daily News)
• "The Next Chapter of Trapped in the Closet Is Here Early" (Vulture)
• "Michelle Obama and Ann Romney’s Matching Pink Debate Outfits: An Analysis [Update]" (New York)
• "Internet goes wild over 'Binders full of women'" (CNN/politicalticker)
• "Ralph Nader: President Obama’s a ‘war criminal’" (Politico)

Do you know what the cartography of your brain looks like?

Either way, you'll have to make room in it for the huge chunk of Kafka's archive that is soon going public.

But if that's too long for you, you'll appreciate the rise of 140-character Twitter novels.

Perhaps someone could write one about the world's most popular blogger — who you probably don't know about.

Just make sure you have plenty of caffeine on hand to do so, which might be tough if you're in New York.

But if real war does break out from the soda ban, perhaps you could use some DIY tips on how to survive.

And if all of those end up failing, you could always dance your way out of any dangerous situation.

Let's just hope you don't end up like this washed-up eyeball, though it did get a nice little vacation.

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